A Season for Hugging
“Never wait until tomorrow to hug someone you could hug today, because when you give one, you get one right back your way.”
Anonymous
shared by Sonia Renaud, a Registered Respiratory Therapist,
during her most recent speech on the Power of Hug in Healthcare.
Our preconceptions are formed by our limited life experiences that make up our opinions. These opinions become judgements that we pass, sometimes in the blink of an eye. In his book the Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday tells us that our understanding of what something is is just a snapshot - en ephemeral opinion. To put it boldly, we look at the world with a bias. We are self-focused and we filter life with our subjective beliefs and past experiences.
From an evolutionary standpoint, we form opinions and pass judgment on strangers, acquaintances, and friends as a mechanism for survival. We want to predict what is next, to stay safe. In reality unlike the prehistoric times, our life is no longer in danger and no, we don’t need to control the universe.
Judgment can be passed with or without words. They say eyes tell a million stories for a reason. The receiving end of the un-approving looks and judgment always knows. And many a times, because words are not used, there is little room for communication for correction or acknowledgement.
Would world be a better place if there were other ways of understanding each other?
As a health coach in training, one method I am practicing these days is called other-focused listening. Also referred to as curious listening, the method suggests that the feeling of “already knowing” will get in the way of truly hearing what is actually said or felt. It evolves around a powerful reality that we can never completely know how others think, feel or react. The act of other-focused listening may take time to master. However, it can be accomplished through mindful awareness and practice. There are many studies that show the kind of magic that happens when people feel heard and deeply listened to.
What else can we do in the now to avoid judgement? How can we come from a place of love in all things we do? As we are in the season of giving, sharing and forgiving, there is at least one other way I can think of. It really does the trick for me, every time. What if every time we feel judged, instead of feeling disappointed or sad, we take action and give our critic a hug. A hug helps us forgive on the spot and not carry the grudge. And, every time we catch ourselves judging another let’s take a step back and pause, take a deep breath and reach for a hug, a soft touch or an act of kindness instead. Our short life’s experiences are so limited, it is impossible for us to know what is happening in other people’s lives for the things we judge them for. And hugs have so much healing power, it may help us grow our perspective, instead.
Sonia Renaud; a registered respiratory therapist and a friend, recently gave a speech about her experiences in healthcare as they relate to the subject matter. Her area of focus being patient care, she emphasized how the hospitals are starting to acknowledge the need of patients for a warm touch. She mentioned how an increasing number of hospitals are providing touch-therapy for patients with cardiac issues, cancer, and chronic pain. “A hand being held or a hand on the shoulder… just this simple gesture… it can relieve pain, improve physical and emotional healing, manage stress, improve circulation…all because of the simple human touch,” said Sonia in her speech.
As someone who is always curious by the science of things, I was especially intrigued when Sonia shared a study from the Carnegie Mellon University[1]during her speech. According to this research, hugging is as vital to our health and wellbeing as much as proper diet and exercise… During a hug, the pressure receptor under the skin sends a message to the brain thru the vagus nerve which causes the love hormone oxytocin to be released. This in return lowers the heart rate and blood pressure, makes us less anxious, promotes positive thinking and gives an optimistic attitude. Hugs help us live longer because they reduce stress and enhance our immune system.
Even more curious now, I looked up the said research. The findings include an interaction between hug receipt and conflict exposure such that, receiving a hug was associated with reduced chances of interpersonal conflict on the day of the hug and the next day, for the participants of this research.
Sonia said that a hug a day may very likely keep the doctor away. I could not agree more. As a simple and warm addition to our daily routine hugs may help us stay more balanced, less anxious, happier and more agreeable in general.
Sonia concluded her speech with the following anonymous quote: “Never wait until tomorrow to hug someone you could hug today, because when you give one, you get one right back your way.”
Think of how hugs make us feel. Hug of love, hug of desire, hug of kindness and compassion, and hug of simple warmth. Consider judging less and hugging more this holiday season.
If you like what you read, if you have comments, send me note. Scroll down to subscribe to my mailing list.
* Postcard compliments of @simplyleap, @ simplyleap.com
[1]https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0203522